Saturday, April 20, 2013

PWC's (nor peeps with MCS) Do NOT Do Malls!

Over thirty years ago when I first got chemical sensitivities and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I wisely announced "I can not do malls, and don't expect me to!"

And I have pretty much been able to stick to that declaration---until today. Well, I should have insisted on that today too, but daughter dear needed and in this town there are some things, too many things actually!, that can only be acquired at the mall. Of course she needed one of those things and it required my trotting along.

Dear husband kindly parked as close by the door as he could. It was the closest entrance to where this store was supposably located. Famous last words! For once managed to plod inside that store was no- where near. In fact that store had moved around that mall several times like it was playing musical chairs, or hide and seek. And seeking daughter dear did.

Did I mention that my daughter also has fibromyalgia AND problems with crowds, and bright lights, and has some chemical sensitivities too? Well, she does. So her M.O. is to dash around as fast as she can souped up like an over-wound energizer bunny fueled by fear that one second more and she'll be getting sick and pass out on the floor. No way could I keep up.

I failed to mention that a few days before after almost a month of crawling around it finally dawned  on me that I was in a crash. Don't know why it took me so long. Guess we pwc's get fairly good at
lying to ourselves about how ill we are feeling sometimes- faking it. And I suppose to previous  crashes I didn't consider myself 'that bad' as I was still verticale at times and not flat in bed all day, plus it's pollen season and that seemed to be a pretty good excuse to psyche myself out with. But truth is between the not breathing too well stuff and the eyes that failed to focus and the utter exhaustion I felt after, hmm... well maybe five minutes after awaking, about enough time for my brain to check in with my body and say "you've got to be kidding me!", I haven't been able to do anything... a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g, and that's no exaggeration!

And so it was quite foolish of me to even think to attempt going anywhere, let alone an excursion to the much avoided mall. But I had... One fake out too many! Or one bridge waaaay too far!

So there I was a few yards into the mall when my brain for got where my legs were. Oh, nope, there they were, sort of, under me, but weighing at least 300 lbs each and made of lead. And the energy to
power them? Who knows where that was. This time I didn't even feel it drain out from my toes. It simple, suddenly disappeared! I couldn't move.

But she could and did. Whoosh! Trucked right by me straight towards the exit. Seems she'd hit her limit of tolerance and was doing the mad dash out the door. However I wasn't quite positive
that is where she went because she flew past my sight so fast I'd lost track of her and we still hadn't found that missing shop.

There I stood - well I was sort of moving along but so slowly it looked like I was standing - with no cell phone on me and no daughter around and feet that refused to take me anywhere. By this time they weren't just heavy, they were sort of burning too. About this time I was starting to freak. Or break out in tears. I wasn't sure which. I looked around, didn't see anyone who even resembled my
daughter and the exit might as well have been ten miles away. No cell phone. I was moving slower by the second and way on the negative side of possessing any energy. How on earth would I make it to the door?

Could it be much worse? Yes. Dear husband not only has CFS, FM and MCS too, he's also had something for that exploded over a year ago that caused him vertigo, falling down and requiring use of a wheelchair and some days tremors so bad he couldn't feed himself (lyme and babeosis according to one doctor's estatmation). This was also a bad day for him, not his worse, but bad enough that he could barely chauffeur and no way was he getting out of that car. No way could he save me even if I could have called him on the cell phone that was at home charging.

Well, it seemed that it must have taken me hours to rush to the exit and get to the car. It did to my daughter too. She'd been waiting there anxious to just get home and wasn't much interested in my
physical state. When I finally opened that car door there were tears of joy on my cheeks. I'd made it!
I honestly wasn't sure I would.

That's it for me. Absolutely no way ever, ever, ever will I attempt to see the inside of a mall! Nor any store except those under 10 ft by 10 ft and then only when in not doing so I'd starve or go to jail! Never !



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