Thursday, January 18, 2007

Silent Miracles

I was sitting here last night wondering why, with everything going on in my life I wasn't feeling real despair. Granted I'm worried, stressed and feeling overwhelmed but I can't say that I was feeling necessarily unhappy or terribly distressed.

Obviously, I'm sick. I just went through a horrid respiratory viral thing that lasted a couple weeks, not to mention the typical CFS, FM and MCS stuff I deal with. Then there was the typical pain, problems sleeping and stomach problems. My one and only vehicle is biting the dust and I can't afford to replace it right now, not even sure if we can afford to fix all that needs fixing on it. My teenager isn't the perfect female angel I had wished she was (ha!). She's not inspired about school or helping with chores. (where did i fail?!) The rest of my family is way too far away to visit, especially in my condition and my home is decorated with many piles of stuff that I'm too tired to deal with. And that's only the beginning of my complaint list!

So surely with all that I should be distressed! I have every right to wallow is self-pity, sigh, moan, groan and scream to you. Right? Right! But last night I didn't feel like it.

Sometimes I wonder why the Good Lord seems so very far away and why on earth can't He do for me what I see Him doing for others, or so it seems anyway. Why me? What did I do? Where's my miracle?

Then it struck me. This 'out of mind', oblivious to distressing factors IS my miracle! Duh! How many days go by where I know my circumstances better than anyone else, know the reality of the struggles and obstacles yet happen to notice the smile on the cat's face, hear the birdies sing, and enjoy watching my husband groan as I tell him a very bad joke?! Many. Oodles! Probably at least 90% of the time!

Wow! That's pretty dang amazing considering ----- ! This scripture has always meant a lot to me. I didn't think I'd reached there yet though...

Philippians 4: 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have earned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

That was last night. Today my heart's been flippity flopping in my chest, my nervous system is wacked and on tilt and I'm feeling quite distressed.

Well...sometimes I guess I'm in that 10% of the time moments. Still I'm thankful for those silent miracle moments...



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