Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Do I need a Doctor's Note here??

I wish I could say that I've been absent for a bit because I've been so busy having fun in the sun, taking a trip to those magestic Rocky Mountains that I used to call home, or planting a beautiful flower garden but alas that's not why I've been gone... I'm sure you could guess in one guess what I've actually been doing?

I woke up one morning a while ago and found the path to the kitchen was a verrrry long distance, even further than it is on most days. Assuming it would lift a bit later on I poured myself a cup of coffee (decaf- doesn't exactly get you going but I can't handle caffeine much at all!) while propping myself against the countertop to stay upright. I'm still can't figure out how your legs can feel both like jello and lead at the same time. As I shuffled back to the bed thinking about calling a friend I thought, 'how on earth can I describe the difference between how I'm feeling today and most other days? It's the same, sort of, yet oh so much more intense.'

Three days later and still moving slower than a snail on Valium I assumed I was in a major crash. I ached all over. My eyelids were puffy, something that is a telltale sign that I'm not doing well. By the fourth day of same I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever see the living room again.

After throat got sore and ears started aching I started wondering. Then a friend called. She's one of those work til you drop sorts that will go to work when she's sick as a dog and is proud of it. Turned out her whole family had been home sick all week with, guess what? the exact same symptoms I had! I went "oh doh me!". Who can tell the difference between being ill with CFS and 'regular junk' ??!! Maybe the earache and headache should have tipped me off ? but then I have allergies and MCS too...

I took the opportunity to point out to her how those of us who have CFS are ALWAYS pushing ourselves. We get up and throw the dishes in the dishwasher when we can barely stand. Yes, it may not seem to others like we are accomplishing much, but hey, if they resided in our bodies and realized just how difficult loading that dishwasher was, how much effort it took and the fallout afterwards perhaps they'd understand a bit more. Meanwhile I had a lesson to learn from Miss Superwoman too. SHE went to bed guilt free when she couldn't stand up. We might be laying but we're seldom feeling okay about it.

I wrote in the blog titled "Who's in charge here anyway" how I'd read about a guy whose CFS improved and how he learned that rest was a requirement of healing. Specifically I learned about viewing resting as something I need like a diabetic needs insulin and not just think of it as something you do when you have to (which is indeed much of the time), or what you do after you start collapsing. I think I need to reread that again! Apparantly I haven't taken my own advice very well...

[I thot I was finally over 'the bug' but today I'm not quite so sure. I don't feel quite so weak but my head, sinuses? ... well... my whole body is still in the dumpers.]

I doubt I'll ever be able to discern when I have "a bug" from when I'm having a crash..


Ps 127:2 In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat--
for he grants sleep to those he loves.

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